There comes a moment during every long haul flight when all you want to do is whip off your seat belt and stretch your legs. That mix of boredom and claustrophobia was perfectly evoked by Upgrade Me! Secrets of First Class (Channel 5), a documentary so stultifying it could have done with its own emergency oxygen mask.
The title promised a behind-the-scenes look at airline luxury – and some insider advice on how to bag an upgrade. In reality, it was a budget assortment of banal observations about modern air travel. Yes, there were some tips: upgrades are easier if you’re good-looking; gifting/bribing the cabin crew a box of chocolates is probably a waste of your time and theirs’.
But these were blazed through towards the final credits, and so quickly they were easy to miss. Otherwise, this was a one-way trip to the thumpingly obvious. Economy seats had “hardly any space”, we learned. And after a long-haul flight you were inevitably “going to feel awful”.
The portrait of first-class travel, meanwhile, resembled something from a Seventies champagne advert. British Airways’ most exclusive lounge was “a highlight of any air traveller’s journey”. And did you know that “in first class you get whatever you want, whenever you want it”? Fascinating.